You Are Allowed to Be Mad About This

I spent a long time trying to be positive about my diagnoses.

I did the gratitude thing. I focused on what I could still do. I told myself it could be worse. And all of that is true and none of it is wrong.

But I also lost things. Real things.

I lost the version of my life I thought I was going to have. I lost the ability to just do things without calculating the cost. I lost days and weeks to flares. I lost relationships because not everyone sticks around when you get sick. I lost the feeling of waking up and just feeling okay.

You are allowed to be angry about that. You are allowed to grieve it.

Toxic positivity in the chronic illness community is real and it is exhausting. The idea that you have to always find the silver lining or always be fighting or always be an inspiration is a lot of pressure to put on a person who is just trying to get through the day.

Some days I am just trying to get through the day. That is enough.

Be mad. Grieve it. Then do what you have to do. All of those things can exist at the same time.